Aurah vs. Attitude

There had been so many times where I thought of dropping this one deed I'm doing; covering my aurah properly. I've always been struck by the thought that my attitude doesn't match my attire. I wear long sleeve tops, I wear wider hijab, covering my chest. I wear socks, I've stopped wearing skinny jeans - my favourite favourite item in the world of fashion. That is a part of jahiliah that is rather easy for me to leave.

But then, my attitude hasn't changed much. Maybe I've changed a bit, for the better. The praying part, the frequency of reciting the Quran, the reliability on Allah. But there's a part of me, where if people know, they'd think I'm such a hypocrite, a fake muslimah. I'm not as innocent as what most people think, I've my dark side, a jahiliah that I still can't let go of. At times you just can't resist the temptation, the guilty pleasures.

Besides that, He never leaves me alone. Alhamdulillah every time that evil thought arrives at my brain, I found stuffs that stopped me from doing it. It's like a message from Him saying "It's alright. Be strong. Try harder!". How sweet is He? Ya Allah :'( One article that really keeps me strong, the points are something like this;

Aurah is a responsibility of a Muslimah. A bad attitude is not an excuse to not cover your aurah properly, and not covering your aurah is not an excuse to behave badly. Someone who hasn't covered their aurah but having a good heart, inshaallah one day He'll grant him the hidayah to start doing so. And someone with a bad heart, even when they cover their aurah properly, they'll eventually open it up since an attire that covers the aurah properly is only meant for someone who is good at heart.

Also, never judge someone by their appearance. A girl covering the aurah properly, but having a bad attitude, you wouldn't know how hard is she trying to change. And a good girl not covering aurah, maybe there are factors that we don't know, different people have different problems. Something that is easy for us might not be the same for another. That's why He doesn't test all of us with the same challenge, coz He knows the ability of each of His servants.

So people, please, stop having such an impression that I'm such a sweet innocent girl coz I'm not. If one day you find out about my little dirty secrets, don't judge me. I am trying hard to leave all kinds of jahiliah aside but it's not that easy. Neither would I give up, because I know He's with me. Inshaallah.

Assalamualaikum.