Ups and downs.

Most of the time you're smiling and laughing, but at times, you just can't help feeling lonely. You don't feel lonely cause you don't have anyone to talk to, you feel lonely because that particular person you wanna talk to, doesn't talk to you. Especially when he's right there online, just a click away, just a simple hey would start a good conversation but no.

Ramadan is drawing to an end already, time flies urgh it's a cliche but that's the most annoying two words put together "time flies" blergh. Alhamdulillah my nights (or more like early mornings) are improved and semoga semua ibadah diterima Allah and inshallah, compared to last year, this year it's a thousand times better. Alhamdulillah.

But still, like what Allah states in the Holy Quran;

Do men think they will get away by saying "We believe" thus they will not be tested? [Al-Ankabut:2]

Rasa stress bila duit mengalir macam air. Fixing the car costs a fortune urgh makes me feel like quitting driving for real. I hate how reckless I am. Dengan preparation to India lagi, yes I ask my dad for money all the time but still they're so many things yet to buy, dengan visa tak settle lagi I don't know when SDM will freaking mail the offer letter.

One thing I gotta admit, money affect my life quite strongly. For me, it's pathetic. I hope one day Allah will grant me the blessing to be a very generous servant, doesn't matter if I'm rich or average. I wanna be the kind of person who don't mind spending all my money on good course without having the second thought of "Will I have enough money for myself?" Cause obviously you will.

Allah says in the Quran;

Surely the men and women who spend in charity and give goodly loan to Allah, will have it multiplied for them and will receive generous award. [Al-Hadid:18]

For now, perasaan selfish masih dalam diri. The world is still in my heart, I'm still working my way to take it out and replace it with the hereafter. One day, inshaallah.

Sigh. I'm having all kinds of emotions mixed together. One second I'm happy, the next I'm furious then I'll be sad and emotional and crying the next second I could be laughing again. Ujian sikit pun dah complain but I can't help it. I need to let it all out, bottling everything up inside isn't what I do best.

But also, like Allah says;

Be sure that We shall test you with something of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and life and the fruits (of your labour); but give good news of happiness to those who have patience. [Al-Baqarah:156]

And no matter how bad life is treating you, never ever forget His beautiful, soothing words;

La tahzan, innallahama'na. "Don't be sad, for surely Allah is with you." [At-Taubah:9]

And also, when your heart is breaking into pieces, don't forget to remember him, as what He says;

Those who believe and find peace in their hearts from the contemplation of Allah, verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. [Ar-Ra'd:28]

Ya Allah, indeed You are near, shower me with Your blessings and grant me happiness in both this world and hereafter. Also to my family, friends. All my loved ones.