Dead.

I've lost the will to study. Hell, I've even lost the will to live.

I feel drained out, souled out. I've always hated this place but never as much as I do now. At the times that I don't cry nor sleeping, I'm on the verge of tears. I can hear my inner side screaming fuck it Madihah fucking get your head together and stop being such a spoilt cry baby! 

I wish it's that easy. I wish it's as easy as saying "it's okay you can do this just be strong alright" but it's not okay and I can't do this and I'm not strong.

I've been depressed but I guess this is the ultimate point. I've been having suicidal thoughts since the past few days and this has never happened before. It's not something I'll ever attempt tho. Though not much, inshallah I still have some imaan left in my heart and those thoughts are just mere thoughts.

Can I just leave?