Courage or chickened out?

I'm the master of breaking down. In the span of less than two years being in India, I've broken down countless times. Especially this year. The subjects are really tough, especially for someone like me where memorizing is totally not my forte. 

People who say "kenapa nak hafal, faham kan lah" definitely have never tried studying pharmacology, or say the least, anatomy. If someone cares to explain/show/teach me how to understand pharmacology then by all means, please enlighten me.

In the past week, I heard about two people of different courses studying in different countries quitting. People would question it, well even I do. But come to think of it again, I guess I know exactly how they felt, why they left.

I don't know whether to say I'm a tad stronger than these lads, that the strings of hope they held on to snapped while mine is still barely intact. And I also think that maybe, they're braver than me. They've the courage to face the unknowns. The courage that I never had. I thought of quitting so so so many times, but so many things scare me. What would I do next? How do I pay back to my sponsor? If I were to change course, who would sponsor me? Would I love the other course or would I just dislike it as much?

And now I'm feeling it again. Exams is around the corner and it feels like I've had enough. I couldn't memorize anymore my brain feels congested. Sighhhh