Isolation.

Well, I guess this is where I go to when I really don’t want to be involved with the rest of the world. Obviously no one comes here anymore. Even I hardly come here anymore.

I don’t know what this is. It could’ve been me having my PMS, or it could also mean I’m having another episode. I really just don’t feel like talking to anyone, I have to force the conversations and the social engagements with people around me, it’s exhausting. I want to isolate myself, go to another place, somewhere deep in the forest and just curl up being surrounded by the nature.

The quote “if suicide isn’t haraam I wouldn’t be around anymore” can’t be truer. I really don’t see what’s the big deal of staying, you know? Maybe a few people would be sad but then after a few days everything will go back to normal. Everyone has their own happy life while I have nothing. I don’t have kids who’d need me to feed them, I don’t have pets that need taken care of, I don’t have a partner who’d be left alone when I’m gone. I have Uda, who has 6 other kids and in-laws, I have my nieces who have their own parents and other uncles and aunts, I have friends who have other friends. I only have myself who.....doesn’t even care if she doesn’t have it anymore.