Not funny.

When you try to do something good, it's never easy. You have nafs, you have curiosity, you have satans all around you, telling you a thousand reasons for not doing it.

You have to be strong. You have to believe in Allah. Do it for His sake and only Him. Not any other reasons. Neither to impress people nor to show off or whatever. It is for Him and only Him.

It's never easy to fight the urge of doing bad things. It's what I'm trying to do, I don't have much strength. I need more support. I just hate hate totally HATE it when people say "Konon dah berubah, tapi..." or maybe "Kau kan kata dah berubah, takkan...."

You know how much it hurts? It's like my heart is cut open, stomped on, crushed into tiny bits. It hurts very badly that there is not a word to describe it. Especially bila yang cakap tu someone yang close to you. Sesih. Sedih tersangat amat sangat.

Aku belum sempurna. Masih banyak dosa yang aku lakukan. Dari segi pakaian, pertururan, tu baru fizikal. Dari segi kerohanian apatah lagi kan. Tapi aku cuba berubah, aku tengah cuba sebaik mungkin. Aku percaya semua ni ujian dalam penghijrahan yang aku lalui. Aku kena kuat.

Bimbing aku, Ya Allah. Kekalkan hidayah yang Kau berikan, kurniakanlah nikmat iman yang paling manis buatku. Aku percaya pada Kau. Biarlah solatku, ibadahku, hidup dan matiku hanya untuk Allah. Biarlah apa orang lain kata.

Inshaallah. Assalamualaikum :)