Another post I might regret.

Alhamdulillah, I'm happy at where I'm standing now. For the fact that my heart is filled with warmth and calmness. All praises to The King of all kings.

All those queasy feelings are gone, and I hope it's for good. I no longer have feelings for him, and I hope it's for real. We still talk, we still laugh together. But since his phone baru kena rampas so NOW, we don't really get to talk ... -.-' haha but it feels good this way. I don't feel like I'm losing him which just make things easier. Of course, I can't deny that at times I miss him, but all I gotta do is call him for a few seconds to just catch up with things, just like what I would do if I miss my any other friends. The feeling is now neutral.

However, that doesn't change many things. It is true that I easily like someone. Should I mention namessss here? Haha. Notice the long ssss it's because I have a long list of the people I like, but that's just it. A crush, or maybe just an eye candy. It's hard for me to really fall for a guy. In my 19 years of living, I've only loved, really loved with all my heart, two guys. The first guy I fell for, I loved him for about 2 years, end of form 1 to form 3. And then it's him, from pertengahan form 5 up until.....well, a week ago.

There are many times where I thought I really "fall" for the guy that I like because it turns out that they, too, like me. When we first started talking, I'll be all giddy and excited and hyped up and all, after a few days I'll realize that, "No, it's not the same." It's not that I'm comparing ke apa, it's just that I can't feel it, I can't feel the sparks. And I think it's happening again, right now. I told Aiman, my brother, who is also my best friend, about it. Guess what was his respond? "I knew it from the start that you wouldn't like him. Your heart is still with Hakeem."

I was taken aback with that respond. It makes me realize something. It's not that I still love him or what, but for now my heart is closed and I don't have the key. It's like the last time it was closed, I found out that the key was with him, he opened it, filling it with tears and laughter, breaking it then mending it back. I finally get to push him out, and the door is now locked again. Where's the key now? No one knows.