Tears.

Mine used to be very expensive. I hardly cried. I still remember back in Form 5, Roshan made a lot of girls cried by bullying them. Nadia sebab tie tu, Jun Lin kena psycho habis-habisan, Khaavie sebab main jentik tu kuat gila. He tried to make me cry too, but failed miserably. The tears didn't even prick my eyes, my heart was as cold and even harder than the stone. Even death news don't have an effect too great on me. So many things in life taught me to be a strong girl.

After sometime, when school ended, when I entered college, I don't know how things change. I become a girl with an emotional too hard to control, and somehow I thank God that it isn't anger, it's sadness. Anger hmm tak sangat kot except with certain people but sadness? I can't help it. I cry so very easily these days I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. But I'm sure as hell it's annoying -.-'

I cried watching Harry Potter, whenever Harry thought of his parents, when Dumbledore died, when Snape died, when one of the twins (I'm confused it's George or Fred) died. I cried reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green when Gus died, when people read their eulogy at his funeral. And I just finished crying. watching the video of "Sebelah Sayap" by Mat Luthfi. It's a great one. It's a very good message for the sinners to never give up hope as all sinners have a future, and also to the ones (who I call extremist) in preaching, chill bro, just because korang baik join usrah dengar ceramah semua takyah la korang nak pandang serong dekat orang pakai seluar pendek, orang pakai baju ketat macam dorang ahli neraka. There are many better ways to approach people, not judging them, not screaming at them, not using bad words at them. And make sure, practise what you preach. Show good examples.

I know how the guy felt, I too had a terrible past. In that time, I repeated the same mistakes over and over, I told myself a thousand times to stop yet I still repeat it. It's because of the bad environment, wrong circle of friends and of course, my inner self that somehow wasn't actually ready to say goodbye to jahiliyah. This time, I'm back to square one again, thankful that He still gives me another chance. So many times it hits me, "Orang macam aku ni ada peluang lagi ke?" ye la, konon insaf buat lagi, konon menyesal buat lagi. Kalau kita, mesti dah macam blah la kau but I know, I believe, I have faith in Allah.

"Berubah mudah, istaqamah yang susah." I think I used that quote already in the previous post, it's because I'm still working on it, susah tu Allah je yang tahu. "Bila iman lemah, make sure jangan tinggal yang wajib. Bila iman kuat, jangan lupa buat yang sunat." bila cuti duduk rumah ni, yang wajib pun payah betul, sunat takyah cakap. Buat blog post macam ni macam diri sendiri ni baik sangat je kan? Aha. It's a reminder to my very own self, mujahadah lawan perasaan malas time cuti ni. Go Madihah go! *still terdampar atas katil macam ikan paus kenyang*