I had another session today, and unlike the previous session, today I left feeling….something isn’t right. Something is bothering me. I start to feel this as soon as I left the place.
Maybe it’s the last thing we talked about before the session ended. When we pick a memory to deal with for our next session, it included my dad. Someone I really despise, someone I resent, someone I <I> hate </I> . I blame everything on him - all this mental issues I’m facing, my attachment issues, my abandonment issues. If he had done a better job at being a dad I may have been better .
So yeah, I’m now filled with rage to the point of nausea, though I manage to stay “calm”ish. The methods he taught me probably works, though not entirely.
Also, maybe I’m scared of starting this exercise. Maybe I’m scared to feel better. Maybe I don’t wanna be better? Who would I be without all these crazy thoughts in my head. I am already looking forward to our next session and it has only been about 4 hours since our last session. This is gonna be a tough 2 weeks gap, but we’ll make it through.
And also, I may also be physically worn out that my head probably feels heavy cause I’m not well. Been taking paracetamol but it doesn’t take the headache away. The heat is unbearable oh good lord.
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