Istiqamah.

"Nak berubah tak susah, istiqamah lepas berubah tu yang susah."

It can never be truer. It feels like day after day, I get one step and another further away from Him. I never wanna go back to where I was again. Sometimes, I feel like Hmmm I miss doing this, I miss doing that. It isn't right at all. Halawatul Iman, it's about regretting your wrongdoings, and 'benci kepada maksiat seperti benci untuk dimasukkan ke dalam api neraka.' How could I miss committing sins? How could I miss my old lifestyle?

I don't wanna go there again. I've destroyed that place. It can't be there anymore. Everyday I pray to him "Rabbana la tuzigh qulu bana ba'da iz hadaitana wahab lana mil ladunka rahmah. Innaka antal wahab." Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah kau pesongkan hati kami sesudah engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmatMu, sesunggahnya Kaulah Maha Pemberi Kurnia.

I'm scared if this most wonderful gift is taken away from me. I don't wanna go back to my jahil self. Freedom? It's not worth the punishment for the sins committed. "It could be that you don't like something, but it is good for you. It could be that you like something, but it is evil for you. Verily, Allah knows best." It's a verse from Al-Baqarah if I'm not mistaken. Inshaallah. I demolished my old world for Him, I'll try my best to do as what He asks us, His servants to do. Nawaitu lillahi ta'ala. Betulkan niat setiap kali.

I don't wanna go back there again. Ihdinas sirat al mustaqqim. Keep me on the right path. Lead me to the right path, Ya Rabb. Don't let me go astray.