So, my last post was in August 2018, wow. That is about 4 months already. I guess I've been pretty occupied since I came back to Malaysia for good already (or, have I? Lol). Or maybe life hasn't been very eventful that I had to come here and rant out.
There's nothing much to say really. Initially I wanted to talk about Tinder, about seeing and getting to know people, but then I feel like, meh. Honestly, I am not "actively looking". I am on Tinder like how I had always been. No expectations, open for options. Me being picky, it is actually very hard to find guys who are worth my swipe right, and from the very few that I actually swipe right on, it's almost impossible to find someone who I think is interesting. It's just my luck that I found someone I was interested in about a month ago (which ended already lol) and found another almost immediately.
You see, the thing is, the first (few) week(s) is always the most fun part. The initial phase. The attention given, the effort shown, the flirting. He'd go out of his way to pick you up, he'd spoil you with his time and money, he'd finish his job at 10pm yet would still be up to see you even just for a minute. And then, suddenly he's too busy. Texting feels like a chore, and meeting up is a hassle, always one excuse after another, always "too tired" or "but I already have plans". When things like this happen, I will do my part. I will still give him the benefit of the doubt. "Maybe he is really more busy that before".
It’s not hard to read when someone has lost interest in you. I would do a little chasing but I don't have the stamina, it won’t be long until I get tired. But I make sure, there will be no regrets on my part. I tried what I could, but well, you can't force things that are not meant to be.
It's like this all the time. Sometimes I feel so annoyed with myself. I hate how "monogamous" I am. I am not the kind of girl who can talk to different guys at a time - yes, albeit being on Tinder. Though there is no form of relationships established yet, though we're not exclusive, when I talk to you, it's only you. I think that's where online/modern dating is messed up. It's too easy, you are spoilt with options. Everyone is just "seeing people" or "dating" but no one actually really wants to be in a "relationship", no one wants to be "exclusive" because there are other options you want to check out. You found someone you think is "the one" yet you still go looking around,whut ?
I am not naive, I am pretty wise, I guess when it comes to all of this. So it is easy for me to be nice and sweet, I'm still open to the idea of knowing people, but it's almost impossible to get my heart to really feel again. My guards are up, there is some kind of a barrier that my heart has put up against all these kind of feels. So when, and I use when and not if, when they walk away, I'd feel sad but not deeply unhappy. To the one I am seeing right now, I doubt it will be any different.
There's nothing much to say really. Initially I wanted to talk about Tinder, about seeing and getting to know people, but then I feel like, meh. Honestly, I am not "actively looking". I am on Tinder like how I had always been. No expectations, open for options. Me being picky, it is actually very hard to find guys who are worth my swipe right, and from the very few that I actually swipe right on, it's almost impossible to find someone who I think is interesting. It's just my luck that I found someone I was interested in about a month ago (which ended already lol) and found another almost immediately.
You see, the thing is, the first (few) week(s) is always the most fun part. The initial phase. The attention given, the effort shown, the flirting. He'd go out of his way to pick you up, he'd spoil you with his time and money, he'd finish his job at 10pm yet would still be up to see you even just for a minute. And then, suddenly he's too busy. Texting feels like a chore, and meeting up is a hassle, always one excuse after another, always "too tired" or "but I already have plans". When things like this happen, I will do my part. I will still give him the benefit of the doubt. "Maybe he is really more busy that before".
It’s not hard to read when someone has lost interest in you. I would do a little chasing but I don't have the stamina, it won’t be long until I get tired. But I make sure, there will be no regrets on my part. I tried what I could, but well, you can't force things that are not meant to be.
It's like this all the time. Sometimes I feel so annoyed with myself. I hate how "monogamous" I am. I am not the kind of girl who can talk to different guys at a time - yes, albeit being on Tinder. Though there is no form of relationships established yet, though we're not exclusive, when I talk to you, it's only you. I think that's where online/modern dating is messed up. It's too easy, you are spoilt with options. Everyone is just "seeing people" or "dating" but no one actually really wants to be in a "relationship", no one wants to be "exclusive" because there are other options you want to check out. You found someone you think is "the one" yet you still go looking around,
I am not naive, I am pretty wise, I guess when it comes to all of this. So it is easy for me to be nice and sweet, I'm still open to the idea of knowing people, but it's almost impossible to get my heart to really feel again. My guards are up, there is some kind of a barrier that my heart has put up against all these kind of feels. So when, and I use when and not if, when they walk away, I'd feel sad but not deeply unhappy. To the one I am seeing right now, I doubt it will be any different.
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