Escape.

 Well I guess it’s human nature to always want what you don’t have. When you’re free you wish you’ve something to do, when you’re busy you wish you can just chill and not do anything. Well I’m that human, that human is me. 

Too much free time makes me overthink, too exhausted makes me feel….well, exhausted which usually leads to me getting all the shitty feeling. When will I get to rest? How much longer do I have to do all these? Do I really have to do this for the rest of my life? 

So yeah, now I’m at that phase. Zac taught me quite a few things to stay grounded when these thoughts get too overwhelming.

I have an imaginary container for me to dump all these things that make me feel shitty, I’ll lock them in until I’m ready to face it. I can unlock and deal with these thoughts when I’m ready, or during the sessions where we can figure it out together. 

I also have “sand”, the keyword to my happy thought, that when I think of it sends a pleasant warmth all over my body. This works in giving me the pleasant feels at the same time, doesn’t really help in pushing the unpleasant feels away.

And then there’s of course the breathing techniques, the muscle contraction and relaxation techniques to help me when my mind is too tired to deal w shit, I could physically focus on my muscles actions.

But in the end, what helps is me imagining in my head, that I’m talking to him. What keeps me going is knowing that I’ll be seeing him in a few days and I’ll get to unload of whatever this thing that’s so heavy in my head.