Kisah hati.

I couldn't think of a title for this entry, I'm not even sure if I should post this entry. This is nothing, but just another drama in my ordinarily boring life.

So, the thing that I really do not want to happen, just happened. I'd always been so scared about it. I was scared if I fall for his words again, I was scared if I melt to his voice again, I was scared if the feelings ever come again.

He came back to say sorry. I was surprised though. Since in one of my dreams, he simply came back into my life without saying sorry, without even feeling sorry, acted like nothing ever happened and wanted me back. I was really, very, very surprised to read "I'm sorry for hurting you. Sorry dear, truly am." I didn't even know that you were, ARE aware of that. I thought, to you, I'm an emotionless girl, whose heart you can simply play around with. And wait, 'dear'? Who are you calling dear? Your deary Madihah is long gone, if you think I'd fall for such so-called sweet words again, you're totally wrong. "What are your hopes?" You broke them all, you crushed all my hopes my dreams of being your happy  girl, to be with the guy I truly really loved. Apa benda lagi yang ada untuk I harapkan dari you? "I mean, back then, apa harapan you?" Why do you even bother to ask now? It's not like we can turn back time and change anything. Even if we could, would you? No. Cause you chose her over me, and you said "You don't expect me to ditch her for you." Well, if you really love me then you would. If you really love her, you wouldn't have done whatever that you did with me. "Unforgettable memories." I thought, to you, those are just little nothings that you do with all other girls. I don't see how you find the memories 'unforgettable' since you seem to have forgotten my existence. "I was confused." is never an excuse. I was confused too, we were all confused, who could ever be sure of their feelings? But while in confusion, you chose to left me alone on the ground, hurt, a feeling that I never thought I could ever possibly feel. I walked away and you didn't even bother to look out for me nor chase me. Do you know how much it hurts? After ages, after I've moved on and now you're back? "We can still be friends?" heh. What a cliche. I don't know what has gotten into you. Maybe you hit your head too hard on something?

It sucks. You make me never wanna fall in love ever again. I know I've been repeating this line, but I really mean it. You hurt me in a way that is impossibly terrible. Only HE knows how I was at that moment. How hard it was for me to get over you. I fell terribly ill, I didn't have the appetite, I vomited, I lost weight. I could hardly focus in anything that I do. But where were you? Have you ever cared at all? Heh. It's a feeling that I never want to encounter ever ever ever again.

Also, Alhamdulillah. Though I lost your love, if I ever had it, I found a new one. Cinta yang lebih agung, lebih suci, lebih membahagiakan. Inshaallah. Hidayah Allah datang dalam banyak cara kan? Aku redha dengan cara ni. Hati aku yang hancur berkecai pecah remuk, Dialah yang mend semuanya. Semoga cinta ni kekal dalam hati aku sampai akhir hayat, semoga cinta ni yang akan bawa aku ke Jannah. Inshaallah.