Fake.

I used to think it’s impossible for suicidal people to not show any signs because when I’m depressed, I used to write, I talked to my close ones, I do something.

This time, I don’t know. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, and despite the mess in my head I can’t even write. You don’t call THIS ‘write’. I used to be so full of emotions, the sadness that consumed me was a familiar feeling. Now....I don’t feel anything.

I can talk and laugh with my batchmates during posting, but when I go home I shut down. When my family asks if I’m okay I can pretend that it’s nothing I’m just being me, when people text me I can reply like nothing happened because faking a happy text isn’t half as exhausting as faking a normal happy expressions.

I know people care. I know these problems aren’t real. I made everything up and it’s jusy in my head. I know I have most of the things I wanted. I know. I know I’m just ungrateful and deeply unhappy. I really hope all these end soon.