Well, what else could be the reason that I’m back here, eh? I am very tired and sleepy. My head hurts, my body hurts, it’s aching everywhere. But I can’t sleep. I can’t stop overthinking.
I’m bored. Too bored that my brain can’t handle it. My extroverted side is crying out for help, craving for normal social interactions.
I’m at the point where I see my life as having no meaning. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to motivate me to wake up in the morning, I feel like my life has no purpose. I don’t have a hobby anymore. I don’t paint anymore, I don’t write anymore, I don’t have books to read. And I feel like my friends are getting sick of me, my family too. I feel like I don’t have anybody.
Some days where I’m strong, I will get up. I’ll talk to Him, I’ll pray, I’ll prostrate, I’ll cry and tell Him everything. It works. Of course it works. He is the One who holds our hearts. But on days like today where I feel totally hopeless, totally helpless, I just wanna cry curling on my bed, I wanna crumble down, I wanna disappear and cease from existence. I know, I know it’s Him calling me to come to Him, but I’m weak Ya Allah. Make things easy for me please. When you bless me with a heart with no worries and mind with no mess, make it long lasting Ya Allah. I know, I know, nothing in this world is permanent. Everything is temporary. Be it happiness nor sadness. But protect me from feeling like this ya Allah, protect me from being far from you. Protect me from giving up from your mercy. Protect me from ending my own life ya Allah. Protect me from the satan’s whispering. Protect me from whatever that can cause your anger towards me ya Allah. Make me happy ya Allah. Make it easy for me to go through another 2 months in this place I despise the most. I believe there is a reason that you placed me here out of many others. Please ya Allah. You put me here, please put me through here. And relief any discomfort, uneasiness and worry from my heart. And verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. I believe in that Ya Allah. And I believe that you always stay true to Your Words. That You never break the promises You made. And I believe in each and everyone of them, without a doubt. So please ya Allah, bless me with a heart that is always at ease. Amin.
I’m bored. Too bored that my brain can’t handle it. My extroverted side is crying out for help, craving for normal social interactions.
I’m at the point where I see my life as having no meaning. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to motivate me to wake up in the morning, I feel like my life has no purpose. I don’t have a hobby anymore. I don’t paint anymore, I don’t write anymore, I don’t have books to read. And I feel like my friends are getting sick of me, my family too. I feel like I don’t have anybody.
Some days where I’m strong, I will get up. I’ll talk to Him, I’ll pray, I’ll prostrate, I’ll cry and tell Him everything. It works. Of course it works. He is the One who holds our hearts. But on days like today where I feel totally hopeless, totally helpless, I just wanna cry curling on my bed, I wanna crumble down, I wanna disappear and cease from existence. I know, I know it’s Him calling me to come to Him, but I’m weak Ya Allah. Make things easy for me please. When you bless me with a heart with no worries and mind with no mess, make it long lasting Ya Allah. I know, I know, nothing in this world is permanent. Everything is temporary. Be it happiness nor sadness. But protect me from feeling like this ya Allah, protect me from being far from you. Protect me from giving up from your mercy. Protect me from ending my own life ya Allah. Protect me from the satan’s whispering. Protect me from whatever that can cause your anger towards me ya Allah. Make me happy ya Allah. Make it easy for me to go through another 2 months in this place I despise the most. I believe there is a reason that you placed me here out of many others. Please ya Allah. You put me here, please put me through here. And relief any discomfort, uneasiness and worry from my heart. And verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. I believe in that Ya Allah. And I believe that you always stay true to Your Words. That You never break the promises You made. And I believe in each and everyone of them, without a doubt. So please ya Allah, bless me with a heart that is always at ease. Amin.
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